60-Plus: Still Sexy
Sex after 60? That’s a big yes.
Many mature couples have better love lives than they did in their
more youthful days. There are lots of reasons for this. They have
deeper intimacy with partners, fewer distractions, no pregnancy
concerns, and just plain more time to get busy. Plus, they have much
more know-how and done-that than those young things on TV
Hormonal Changes
Around midlife -- age 45 or so -- new
issues can temporarily dampen your love life, though. Sex hormones
take a big dip. For women, menopause brings a plunge in estrogen and
androgens. Your vaginal walls get thinner and drier. Men see a
nosedive of testosterone and estrogen about the same time. This can
make it difficult to get an erection (erectile dysfunction, or ED).
Changes in the brain and your blood flow switch things up, too.
Vaginal Changes
The main sexual problems for women
tend to be trouble getting to orgasm, lack of desire, and vaginal
dryness. Your vagina shortens and narrows with age. It doesn’t
moisten itself as easily as before. This can cause pain when you have
sex. Lubed condoms, water-based lubricating jelly, and vaginal
moisturizers might do the trick. Your doctor might also prescribe
vaginal estrogen, which comes as a cream, a pill or tablet, or an
insert.
Erectile Dysfunction
The main age-related sexual problem
for men is erectile dysfunction, or ED. Erections don’t come -- and
stay -- like they used to. Your penis might not get as hard or big as
before. One of four ED drugs might be the answer. But they can have
side effects. They can also clash with drugs that contain nitrates.
Be wary of herbs and supplements that promise a fast fix. Always talk
to your doctor before you try them.
Diabetes
Diabetes can cause ED for men,
especially those with type 2. Poor blood sugar control can, over
time, damage nerves and blood vessels that supply sex organs. Meds, a
penis pump, or even a penile implant can help. Women with this
condition can also have less feeling in their genitals. It also
causes more vaginal yeast infections, which can irritate this area
and make it difficult or unpleasant to have sex. But they’re easily
treated.
Heart Disease
A heart attack during sex might make
for good TV, but it doesn’t often happen in real life. Heart
disease does make your arteries narrow and harden, so your blood
doesn’t flow as easily. You might find it hard to get aroused or
have orgasms. But once it’s treated, your doctor likely will give
you the green light. Be sure to tell your doctor about any chest
pain, problems breathing, or symptoms that get worse.
Other Challenges
Other medical conditions that can
affect your sex life include weight gain, arthritis, chronic pain,
bladder control problems, dementia, high blood pressure or
cholesterol, side effects from meds, depression, and stroke. Also,
surgery -- especially in sexual areas -- can affect your self-image
and how you feel. Talk with each other about ways you can stay close.
Put aside care-giving roles when you can to focus on being a partner.
Talk to Your Doctor
You might not find it easy to talk
about this subject with your doctor. The truth is, they might have
trouble talking about it, too. They might be more likely to bring it
up when it relates to other conditions. It can help to ask direct
questions, such as: Can you recommend a sex counselor, and is this
covered by Medicare? Do any of my meds cause sex problems? Would it
help me to take estrogen? Is there an alternative to ED drugs?
Sex Therapy
If your primary doctor isn’t
helpful, consider a sex therapist or other trained counselor. They’ll
talk with you about your concerns and help come up with ways to meet
your needs as a couple. Maybe the answer is more foreplay, or more
direct stimulation. If a condition like arthritis makes it hard to
enjoy sex, they can suggest new positions that are more comfortable
and satisfying for you both.
Get Creative
Common sense and a creative spirit
can spark new ways to enjoy sex. For example, if a flat surface
doesn’t work for your knees, a new position or special furniture
can offer another angle. If you have problems getting aroused, a
vibrator can help get blood moving. It’s natural to worry about
“getting back into the swing of things” if you’ve been
inactive for a while. But just having sex can help you relax and let
desire take the lead.
Safe Sex Is Still Important
STDs are equal-opportunity diseases:
They don’t discriminate by age. If you’re sexually active, you’re
at risk for STDs. These include chlamydia, genital warts or herpes,
gonorrhea, hepatitis B, syphilis, and trichomoniasis. Also, the
number of older people with HIV and AIDS is growing. You should
always keep up on your checkups and tests, use condoms, and keep up
honest communication with your partner.
Changing Partners
With better health, meds, and more
ways to meet people, such as online, older adults can enjoy dating --
and sex -- at any age. But you need to stay savvy. Learn your
partner’s history before you have sex of any kind. Both of you
should get tested first, too. Always use a condom and water-based
lubricant, which protects against sores or cuts that can raise your
chances of getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
Differences in Desire
Couples clash at times about sex
drive -- or lack of it. For women, the drop in estrogen, bowel and
bladder problems, breast atrophy, or cystitis after sex can dampen
desire. Men with ED or other problems might just not want to “go
there.” Think about your partner’s point of view. When you
talk about your feelings and needs, do it from an “I”
standpoint: “I’d enjoy it if we … .” This lets you
express yourself without hurting feelings.
Why You Should Bother
Why bother, you ask? Short answer:
The benefits of sex are many. Just a few reasons to keep at it (and
going solo counts): It boosts your immune system, burns calories,
lowers blood pressure, helps you relax, eases pain, keeps your mind
sharp, and may lessen the risk of heart attack and prostate cancer.
It keeps you and your partner close. It just may help you live
longer. Oh, and it makes you happy.
Different Strokes
You can be intimate and loving -- and
sexy, too -- without intercourse. Lovemaking includes caressing,
hugging, kissing, and manual or oral stimulation. Any loving or
intimate expression can make your intimate life full. If you don’t
have a partner, self-stimulation -- aka masturbation -- is a healthy,
satisfying route to reap the many benefits of sex.